Sex

This is a subject that I sort of feel an obligation to speak on. As a young Black male, I want to share my views on sex as a family as a whole, from the children up to the parents. My reason for writing this post is to teach young men the right way to think about sex because to be truthful, some young men are growing up under the wrong direction of older male figures in their lives. So with that, I want to share my views and get the young and old men on the right track, because someone has to be a beacon of light for young men, and show them the correct way to view sex.

To start off this discussion, I want to say that I think that some men have everything twisted. They think that the more women that you have sex with, displays your masculinity. It is glorified in society, as if you are accomplishing a certain feat or obtaining a sort of mythical manhood stature. Taking numbers or stats doesn’t make you more of a man than anything in the world. Men you are teaching your sons, nephews, and friends the wrong way. As men teach these teenagers and young adults the wrong way, they neglect to tell you much about sex. They say that you should have it as much as possible, but neglect to tell you things about the consequences that come with having sex, and do believe me when I say that sex has consequences.

For starters, sex can complicate your life. Sex that is taken lightly can have devastating and catastrophic results. You have to be mature and responsible whenever you engage in a sexual act. There are many diseases out there that you can’t get rid of, such as AIDS, herpes, etc. Even if you don’t get those diseases, there are ones that you can contract and get rid of such as Gonorrhea, Chlamydia. Despite the fact that you can get rid of them, doesn’t negate the temporary effects of them, and the physiological effects of having contracted them. Now all jokes aside, me and my man downstairs are tight and he’s been with me from the start, so I wouldn’t ever want my best friend to suffer, or put him in a position to be set on fire. Thank the lord that I never contracted a disease, even though I had my share of sexual exploits. Also, I would be doing you no justice if I did not talk about getting someone pregnant. That in itself is devastating to a young person. Babies cost money to raise. They take diapers, milk, water, food, clothes, etc., and as a child having a child, you are crippling your child because you don’t truly know yourself yet, nor do you have the money or resources to give a child the life that they deserve to have.

You aren’t mature or ready to have sex as a teenager in my opinion. I know a lot of youngsters have tried to debate with me about being mature. Just because you are physically equipped, doesn’t mean that you are mature. Height and age doesn’t constitute maturity. White or grey hair does not engender maturity. Maturity doesn’t come with age, nothing does but wrinkles. There are a lot of 40 to 50 year old men that are more childish than some teenagers, so age doesn’t matter here. That is where the disconnect is at. The same guys that are telling these children that same crap are the ones whose lives are so messed up that they can’t see straight. Why would you teach a child to go down the same path that you had already ruined your life with? Sex should be reserved for when you are ready and mature mentally to handle the consequences associated with having it.

I have a question for you young men. Would you rather have sex with 200 women 1 time, or would you rather have sex with 1 woman 200 times? If you say the first, then you are foolish. A one night stand can leave you with a lifetime of troubles. Not to mention, that not every woman is great in bed. I would rather have one woman that I could get to know, and one that I could mold into what I wanted as far as in the bedroom, as well as me knowing what she likes as well. It makes the experience more pleasurable. That is what mature and wise men know, ya dig. Also, most of the young men think that sex starts in the bed, which is naïve. Sex is between the ears before it is between the legs, but this is what you learn as you mature. So just know young men, that you have a lot to learn and I’m about to teach you.

First lesson. What does the word SEX mean? Sex stands for S-Specially Designed, E-Enjoyed For Life, X-Sex is not X-Rated, It Is God Created. God says do sex his way. That means honestly to be between a husband and wife. That is why in the bible, it says wait until you are married to have sex. Sex is a part of discipleship. It should be seen as an act of worship. It is special. God smiles when a husband and wife make love. Sex is the superglue of marriage. Sex in a marriage is blessed. You are not fornicating, nor do you have the worries that come with having sex with someone that you don’t really know, nor do you ever wanna get to know on a serious basis. There isn’t such a thing as casual sex. Whoever said that was a liar. It might start off as casual, but it manifests into something more always. Feelings get involved by one of the parties, and that is when the strings become attached. So whoever says that sex means nothing wasn’t being truthful because when it comes down to it, sex is a web that gets tangled the more you do it.

Second lesson. How does lust play a part in everything? Lust is the biggest part that gets most men in trouble. Your hormones are racing and you can make irrational decisions while in the heat of the moment. You need to train your eyes to look once, and then see her as a body with parts. It is total fantasy. I see many beautiful women everywhere I go. I have had many beautiful women hit on me, and still do to this day. The thing that maturity tells me is, that woman may provide pleasure for a minute but not for more than that. The devil wants to turn sex into an unholy fantasy. Young people, you need to look past the lure of lust, to the result of lust. The devil wants to twist everything. He won’t tell you outright to go ahead and have sex with a woman. He will bring this woman around you, and tempt you. You know when people say that God won’t put more on me than I can bear, that is a scripture that is about temptation, not pain. For example, you see women out and about, and you think, “Wow, she is beautiful and I’d love to get with her and have sex.” Well people at work, and at the restaurants, etc., are always on top of their game. That is fantasy, not reality. They look different at home, and they have flaws too. So that is why lust is a sin and is costly if you take lusts advances.

As young men and older men, I think that when we see a young teenage boy and have some influence in his life, then we should teach them the right things instead of wrong things about sex and life. It is my responsibility to lead young men down the right path because most of the time, all that some teenagers need is a mentor or father figure to guide them down the right path. I mean think about it, what if someone would take interest in a troubled young man’s life, then maybe that young man won’t go down the wrong path, and just might amount to something. We all should teach our kids, nieces, nephews, friends, and even strangers about the right way to live. Though I have made many past mistakes, I can use those mistakes to teach the next generation about that mistakes that I made, so they won’t repeat the previous mistakes that I made. That means as far as having sex when I should’ve waited for marriage and everything else that I can teach. It is my duty and yours also.

~Marks of Wisdom

In Between The Ears

So many things that are believed now-a-days are based off of perception. That is why I titled this post “In Between The Ears”, because it all starts in the mind. Whether it’s true or not, it all revolves on what you think.

A lot of people think just because someone has a big house, drive a high priced vehicle, or wear the best clothes, that they are successful. That is so far from the truth. Materialism is not success, nor does it correlate into being rich or wealthy. You can have a big house, the best clothes, the highest priced car, and still be the brokest human alive. All that having all of that material stuff means to me is that you have got a lot of payments that consume the money that you do have. Just because a person has all of those items doesn’t mean that they are paid for either. People can sell you a dream, but until I see a paid for deed for that house, or a title for that vehicle, it doesn’t mean a thing to me.

People think also that because I moved to Atlanta and I work as an Engineer that me and my family are rich or wealthy, and have it made. That makes me laugh. I have a question to ask people. What is your definition of rich, wealthy, and having it made? Because I have to get up everyday and go to work like anyone else, and so does my wife. Rich to me means that you have over a million (Liquid) dollars in your bank account. Wealthy is having billion (Liquid) dollars in your bank account in my eyes. It seems to me that I haven’t achieved any of those statuses, so I obviously have some more work to do and I am not either of those. Who has it made, huh? I sure haven’t. I go to work and work probably harder than anyone. The difference in me and other people is that I am motivated to go to the top and not settle for where I am now. If I had it made then I wouldn’t have to work and could just sit on my hump and lay back. So please don’t think that I have anything made. I have worked to get to the point in my life that I am at. There was nothing given to me, nor were there any corners cut. There have never been any silver or gold spoons put in my mouth. The only thing that was given to me was a hunger to succeed in anything that I do, and a dream of Engineering. So don’t be so quick to say that me and my wife have it made because I can show a million eyes hard times when I was growing up that they haven’t ever seen if they step into my shoes.

It’s funny that most people front like they are rich when they really don’t have but a few thousand in their bank accounts. Bragging about having a lot of money never makes me think that someone has any money. Talk is cheap. Let me clue you in on something. I know a lot of people who are rich and have plenty of money. The difference between broke people and rich people is that rich people don’t ever talk about how much money that they have, only broke individuals do. I’ve always heard that empty cans make the most noise, so obviously this statement is true.

A lot of people think that everything in me and my wife’s life is perfect. Nothing is perfect in life. Our life is not a Fairytale. If everything was perfect then there would be no need for God. Me and my wife have gone through so much over the years. People only see the end result sometimes. They only see the best and not the worst that you go through. They only see the success and not the struggle to get to the top. Me and my wife work hard at being the best couple that we can, and we give the same thing to the world that we give in our relationship, hard work. It’s not a coincidence that we do good in our work life, relationship, parenting, spiritual life, and giving back to the community. There is a lot of work going on behind the scenes in our lives that we do. It starts with our motivation. We are so motivated to leave this world with a great legacy. We are both dedicated to God and the principle of faith. Growing up poor, I see the value of faith and giving back. I believe that success unshared is failure. We both feel that you need to show up in life. A lot of people think that you have to get motivated and then you act. It is quite the opposite. You need to act and then get motivated after you act. That is what me and my wife learned quite early and it has paid off triple fold. I feel that in doing things that way then you won’t ever miss an opportunity because if you stay ready then you ain’t gotta get ready when the times comes. That is why me and my wife do good in whatever we take on. So please don’t think that our lives are easy. It takes hard work to do your best.

There is also a misconception about competition. I have had a lot of people that have tried to compete with me over the years, and think that I will compete with them. Let me make this clear to anyone that hates me or tries to compete with me. I will not compete with you. I only compete with myself to make myself better. I don’t respond to anything that anyone says about me because they aren’t worth my time. If you respond to anything that anyone says about you then that means that you have stooped down to their level. I don’t compete because I have the house that I want. I have the vehicles that I want. I have the family that I want. So why is their any need to compete when I am satisfied with my life? Also people have tried to compete with money. I could care less about what anyone makes or what they do because you are just working a job to use your money to show off for now, and I’m working on my career to set up my kids and grandkids. I do this for God, my wife and kids, and because I know that I am blessed to be a blessing to others less fortunate than me. You do this for selfish intent and for competition. So when you try to compete, just know that I am cut from a different cloth. It’s like trying to compare a patchwork quilt to Egyptian cotton sheets. By that I mean that we are of different quality and purpose. So just know that I refuse to ever acknowledge anyone that competes with me because my goals are not the same as yours, so the odds are not in your favor.

I will leave this post by saying this. Don’t ever look at what other people have and want it or covet it. That is why the bible says live by faith and not by sight. Things may look good on the outside, but they are not always as they seem. They may have something one day, and they might not have it the next. That’s why perception is a mirage at times, and made up in between your ears. I say read into something before you go to cast judgment. Don’t judge a book until you’ve read it in-depth.

~Marks of Wisdom